In a major policy speech yesterday, Republican Presidential nominee Donald Trump vowed to … actually, let’s just stop here. This latest one, I mean, come on. I can’t even type this out. How long do we have to endure this farce?
Alright, looming deadline. Let’s take another stab at this.
In a major statement with serious potential implications, a man vying to become the most powerful person in the world yesterday stated … Jesus, this is one is too much. I went into journalism to be a dogged purveyor of truth and righter of wrongs, not to be a stenographer to an idiot.
Come on Dave, you can do this. Alright. Just write it as if it is not really happening. You are in a happy place, not in a country where this bozo is a nominee for President representing the Party of Lincoln.
Here we go.
Despite misgivings about Trump’s latest statement, his supporters praised the latest plan which they called … coffee. I could use a cup of coffee right now. That’ll give me the energy to make it through this. I’m just tired.
Good old coffee. Does it every time. Now where was I.
Although the plan does have some critics … Yes, some critics. Just a few, like EVERY SANE PERSON IN THE ENTIRE WORLD WHO BOTHERS TO USE THEIR HEAD and watches TV shows that aren’t The Apprentice and thinks that a man who sell steaks and bogus real estate investing seminars is not really a billionaire like he claims.
Deep breaths, Dave. Deep breaths. Alright, slow down. There you go. Zen, you studied Zen. Calm. Ohm, the mantra. You can do this!
Speaking before a crowd of thousands, Trump repeated his calls for…oh God, not this one again. I mean, come on. This is so stupid it makes Trump calling a reporter pretending to be someone else look smart.
You know what? Forget it. I can’t do it. From now on, an embargo on all Trump stories. This fever dream will pass in about five months. Call me when it’s over and this enormous, nonsensical distraction is done and we can start talking sense again.